The Muck

Finally starting to slow down I think. Been feeling jittery for a week. Unable to feel calm or safe, constantly thinking about what’s next, feeling worried or scared. It’s a vibration I’m not used to. I think it comes from holding at bay the depression. I am being overcome with a wave of darkness, dankness, slowness, creepy crawly, down-in-the-muck type stuff. I’m succumbing to it, pushed down by it, and I’ve finally stopped fighting it and realized the futility. Embracing it instead. Allowing it to happen. To look around in the shadows. Feel the magic brewing in my gut. Something is about to happen, a metamorphosis or transformation. This is the moment where part of me must die or change in order for my whole self to grow. It is painful but beautiful. The constraint feeling more and more until we break free to a new place. And remember, they say that when you are in a car crash, if you are able to relax and go limp, you probably won’t get hurt as severely. So relax, go limp and see where you stand when the car stops rolling.