Output Output Output

Being apart of a “scene” is interesting. Clowning has become a scene. It’s growing and moving and shifting. There are so many weekly shows and festivals, so many opportunities to perform. And so many artists taking advantage of that. Performing multiple times per week, their month is booked up doing clown clown clown.

I find the whole thing exhausting. There is this pressure to have momentum and be seen constantly. pressure to create a larger show. A solo one-hour that you can then take to Edinburgh. It’s become so common place it almost feels like it’s becoming it’s own industry with a cycle and a pipeline. THIS IS HOW TO BE A SUCCESSFUL CLOWN.

I’m not interested in it. I feel the pull, the pressure and there are moments where I doubt myself. Should I be performing more? Why am I not trying to be apart of the clown festival. I see all my peers performing at BCC and posting content and posting schedules that prove they are performing. Why am I not proving that I’m performing? Nobody will know!

I don’t fucking care. I perform when I want to perform. When an idea strikes and I am inspired and I feel the need to say something or show something. OR I perform when someone asks me to . I will never say no to an invitation. I think it’s good to stretch myself.

I don’t want to judge what other people are doing. To each their own. I’m sure they are learning so much and having a great time doing their 6 shows a week. (I also want to be clear that I’m not talking about Mathew Silver, he is a leader in the community, we all owe him so much)

But it partly feels like a social media thing. People needing to have something to post to prove they exist and that they matter. It also feels a bit like people trying to get cast at SNL or something. A means to an end. Like this is how you become successful. Which smells of capitalism to me. I like that I perform only every once in awhile.

To quote the late great clown teacher, Pilippe Gaulier, “Don’t you want to be rare”